


Things that destroy your soul

by stuck_on_stucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anger, M/M, Pain, angsty stucky ahead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 12:34:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8208202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuck_on_stucky/pseuds/stuck_on_stucky
Summary: Bucky wakes up from cryo only to be sent back to Hydra."Sometimes, you crash and you burnBefore you're once again whole"





	

 

They were sending him back to Hydra.

He used to think he couldn't trust his own mind, but now he knew he couldn't trust anyone, not even Steve. Especially not Steve. How could he agree to this? After all the missions, the fights and talks they'd shared, the cryo .. How could he let him go again so easily? All he got was a text - ' _Take care, Buck. I'm with you_.' But he wasn't, he didn't even come to say goodbye. ' _Till the end of the line_?', Bucky had almost replied. What was the point? The line would end soon, and when it did, he would be alone. 

Everything he'd tried to forget, every command Hydra had burned into him would be brought back to life. What if he couldn't resist it? What if he became the Winter Soldier again? This time there would be no coming back from that. There were only so many times you could break something apart before the pieces no longer fit together and turned to dust. Bucky put on his mask and focused on the fog surrounding the airplane in front of him. It felt as if he could almost see Steve through the white veil, just like he did before he closed his eyes in cryo. He'd taken it for granted that his friend would be there when he woke up. Instead, the room had been filled with unfamiliar people and an all too familiar coldness. He had desperately looked around, searching for the warm blue eyes, but they were gone, and it felt like falling from that train all over again.  

* * *

 

3 months he spent in Hydra.

It took him a month to convince the directors that he'd been staying under the radar because of SHIELD and that he was waiting for the right moment to come back. Another month to get access to the information he needed. After he sent SHIELD the intel they'd asked of him, Bucky waited for the rescue team. He knew they were coming, they had reassured him in the briefings. He just had to wait and not give in to Hydra's brainwashing. At first it was easier than he expected - he heard the triggers over and over again, but somehow their power had lessened. He could pretend to comply, but his mind was still his. The electricity still gave him a migrane, but even though the pieces of his mind were jagged, they still stuck together. After two weeks of radio silence, he started worrying. What if they had decided he wasn't worth it anymore now that he'd done his job. But Steve wouldn't just forget about him, would he?

* * *

 

At the end of the third month Bucky was brought to a small room, one that he'd been a frequent visitor of during his first years after the fall. His heartbeat became frantic as his body remembered all the tortures he'd had to endure here. He looked straight ahead, trying to mantain his composure. The new director of Hydra stepped next to him and clasped his shoulder. 

" _You've come a long way since you were last here, Soldier. Now it's time to step behind the line and help break in our new recruits."_

Bucky shivered at the word "recruits". As if any of them had volunteered to be there. In the past months he'd trained with a few of them, all genetically enhanced and memory wiped like he'd once been. He'd almost forgotten about this part, about what came before the strength and compliance, about all the ways they had to be broken first. 

The director stepped out and a young man was brought in. He must've been Steve's age when he first signed up for the army. He looked just as small and fragile, but his curls were darker and his eyes were bloodshot and heavy. His naked body was covered in bruises and blood. Bucky knew what he was supposed to do. What he had to do so that they both didn't end up with a bullet in their head. He had been this boy more than once. It was what had broken him - having someone violate him like that, and the awful thoughts that came after it. Imagining what Steve would think of him if he saw him lying naked on the floor like that. But it was Steve's fault he was here again. If he'd come back for him like he'd promised, he would be safe and away from Hydra and he wouldn't have to destroy another person like he was about to. 

Bucky unbutonned his pants. He had to comply. There was no way to get out of the compound on his own, and he wasn't ready to die. Not after all he'd been through, and definitely not before he could go back to SHIELD and hurt them. He was certain of it now - there were no good or bad guys, just different forms of self-serving interests. He closed his eyes and put his hands on the boy's chest, feeling him flinch. He tried to picture the last girl he'd been with, her red soft curls, the tenderness of her touch, her warmth and blue eyes. Eyes that suddenly looked at him with admiration, eyes that belonged to Steve. He felt a twitch in his pants, the same one he'd had when he was standing in the elevator with Steve, staring down at his lips and wondering why they'd never kissed. " _Because Steve would never want you. Not if he knew what they did to you, and all the people who did it. All the men who were inside of you._ " Bucky clenched his teeth and lowered himself on top of the boy. He rubbed himself on his body, forcing himself to react in some way so that it could be over quicker. The boy started to tremble, but Bucky's lips were quickly next to his ear. " _It'll be over soon, I promise. I'm so sorry_." And he was.

* * *

He didn't remember getting back to his room, but when he opened his eyes again, he was there, sitting in the corner next to a pool of his own vomit.  His new vibranium arm was shaking and he suddenly wanted it gone. He wanted all of it gone - he didn't feel a connection to this stained body that was only capable of killing and hurting people. 

The sound of gunshots outside made him look up. Someone was coming. Had the director figured out the brainwashing no longer worked on him and was he finally coming to kill him? Bucky got up, taking out the small knife he always kept on him. The footsteps stopped and he held his breath, preparing to attack. Then the door opened and the tall figure in front of him dropped his gun. 

_"Bucky? ... Buck, it's me."_

Steve's eyes locked with his, and suddenly Bucky couldn't breathe again. He dropped the knife and turned around, lowering his head to the wall. 

_"Bucky, wait. I should've come sooner, but I.. I'm here now, I'm here to get you out."_

Steve moved forward slowly, hands balled in fists at his sides, fighting every instict in his body that screamed for him to wrap his arms around his best friend. Bucky took another sharp breath feeling Steve's body behind him. He pushed himself off the wall and turned around, punching Steve in the face and knocking him to the ground. 

* * *

 


End file.
